Reality Check

So I attended a women's conference this past weekend and one of classes we could attend was Zumba. The instructor was this super cute, perky, girl that had enough energy to teach the class three times with out a break! I found out later that day that she had just had a baby eight weeks earlier!.......Reality set in.....my twins will be seven this summer and I haven't made any changes. I still look like I did right after they were born.

I have been thinking a lot about why I have allowed myself to be overweight for so long and I have come to the realization that I am afraid to loose weight. How silly is that? I am afraid of the hard work it takes to get my body back into shape. I am afraid of truly changing the way that I eat. I am afraid that I will look gross while I am working out (I know vanity.....as if other people would be watching me and care what I look like while I am working out) I am afraid that even with hard work and eating better, my body won't change....I won't loose weight. I am afraid to be hungry and feel hungry. I am afraid to give up my comfort foods. Even now as I am typing this, I am consumed with the desire to go eat......Ruffles Potato chips! It's just ridiculous and yet it feels to difficult to control......what am I going to do to conquer this? If only they made potato chip flavored gum.......

Epiphany!

So I was talking with my mom the other day about how challenging this has been. I want to make the changes necessary to make my body healthy and strong but then the addiction takes over and overrules my better judgement. It has been driving me crazy! Anyway, I was trying to help her understand what I was feeling and she said, "you know you are stronger than this. You have been through way harder things in your life and have survived. You can do this!" Once she said that, it dawned on me.........I was letting food control me!

  EPIPHANY!

I managed to escape a controlling, abusive marriage with my 2 boys ten years ago and I was determined to never let anyone or anything control my life again. Every time I put something in my body that is unhealthy or filled with sugar, it controls me. Why am I letting food take control of my mind and my body. This can not continue! I need to be in control not food!